A New Day Begins

A new day, what does it hold and why?

Priorities change. Once the borders and lines that separated the priorities were skewed and blurred beyond recognition. How did this happen? It could have been when we both started school work and found ourselves stressed and when needing relaxation, we chose to do it right before bed with the warming glow of the television.

it started slowly, with the addiction of Law & Order:SVU and Law & Order:CI, then on to the talk radio programs of Neil Boortz, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Howard Clark and Michael Savage. It began to replace the sermons I loved on CDR (Cedarville University's Radio Station) Radio, and the music I was listening to on, sadly, K-Love (as many of you know, I can't stand the 'soccer-mom' oriented programming on this particular syndicated radio station...), even forsaking the FM Transmitter for my iPod (gasp!), and still choosing to listen to the talksters.

Soon prayer left the room faster than a fat Elvis looking for the last apple strudel, and the personal worship time was replaced personal laziness and school work. Instead of praying for each other we were arguing over who was more stressed (obviously she was and is - Master's vs. Bachelor's, you take a guess).

As this oh-so-cute picture shows, is how I felt for each day.

"for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: 'Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'" - Ephesians 5:14

Basically as I lost sight of the Lord, I lost site of my own wife. She became lost, as she looked for spiritual (and earthly) guidance and leadership. I started to become which I hated and she feared, I was becoming that which she had not married. What was I to do? I knew what I had to do, but how would I do it, what did it take, why did I fear returning to the Lord?

Well, last night I came to a pivotal point of change. I truly realized this and where I was as I was taking care of my wife. I was doing all for her, in love, laundry, dishes, at her beckoning call no matter what she asked. I realized this is what she needs everyday (maybe not the extreme as when she is sick, but still the same none-the-less); for it to be in love, but Christ's love, by His Word and by His strength.

I need to get back in the Word, back in personal prayer time (which leads to praying for and with my wife daily, even more than daily!) and once again pick up my guitar not just for Worship practice, but for my own personal Worship experience. And Worship for myself and us as a couple; yet it is all for Him, from us.

Today has been the turning point. Last night I fell on bended knees to my wife and prayed for God's grace to be in my life. I know I am forgiven (by God and by her), but no longer could I walk/run/crawl under my own power and strength, but only by His. I was on my knees praying, and weeping and felt the strength I needed to start this move forward in the right direction on the right path - His.

I went to bed a different man than who walked and talked during that morning. I awoke feeling renewed and refreshed; I still have many obstacles and personal habits (i.e. not reading the Word, not praying) I need to walk through and break. Today has been no exception, I have found it hard to pick up the Bible, but I will, and pray (which I did in the shower, actually keeping the talk radio off on the shower radio). I want to change, my wife wants me to change and above all, god wants me to change and led me to Him in his own way.

Now, I am taking the steps needed to keep my true priorities in check and solid this time. (1) GOD - (2) FAMILY - (3) SCHOOL - (4) WORK.

It's been a good day of slightly slacking (I will admit), but also laundry, looking good (shaved, decent and all for my wife), taking care of my wife and listening to Worship flow through the house on our stereo system.

Now, I am off to walk the dog and return to homework and spending time in the Word with my wife; who knows, I might even pick up the guitar and sing a song to Him?

It's a new day, the possibilities are endless...

It is well with my soul

Amanda has been home and doing well. She has been uncomfortable, sore, but thanks to the creation of percocets, she is feeling fine.

Thanks to all of you who prayed, called, emailed and texted your encouragement to us.

It has been a rough ride even for just me and my faith, as a husband and a man.

On a side note, I am seeing where my priorities are. But... I will leace that to another thought-filled blog.

Thank you all.

update on my wife.

Well, it feels like the night took forever to pass by. I know I slept, but very little and in spurts. About 10 minutes until I leave to head to the hospital and see my wife and hopefully not much longer until we can take her home. I miss her dearly. Especially when she is in such pain and doscomfort, I just want to take care of with all I am.

Thank you all for your prayers, especially for her. I will keep you updated as the days go by...

I Love my Wife

It's late, and I find it hard to sleep without my beautiful bride next to me this evening. The surgery went well today, a little longer than expected due to a few things that they had to do they didn't expect.

I hope she sleeps well this evening, she is sleepy, but still uncomfortable enough not to sleep. I sang to her over the phone, per her request, hoping this would help relax her. I am not sure if did, but a little Worship lifted her spirits and made her yawn. All in His hands.

She said when she awoke from the anesthesia that she cried, due to it hurt so bad (they gave her morphine after arriving to the recovery room). I wish I could have been able to do something.

She will be home tomorrow, and that is exciting. I know she will be uncomfortable, and I hope I am able to do everything I can to take care of her and help her heal.

Yet, for now, I can't sleep; wishing I was with her to hold her hand and help her sleep and relax.

It will be great to see her tomorrow and get her home as soon as possible.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and support.

Wordless Wed.

President's Day

So, welcome to the great holiday of President's Day. No parades, no cool cartoon specials, but a lot of car deals... go figure.

So yeah, another weekend has passed us to bring us this day off (no complaints here). The weekend went by very well, I think? Saturday was relaxing; we were up at 8 to be prepared to lead the worship practice for Sunday at 10am. The practice went extremely well, i am so impressed every day by the talent and hearts of the band I get to work with. After the practice, Amanda and I ended up going to see "Ghost Rider" at the nearby theater, it was frigging awesome. We left the movie very satisfied and impressed, and were glad to be one of many who helped the movie gross as the top movie of the weekend. Next, we headed home and played with the puppy, and shoveled the driveway, again (we love the snow!). We ended up going to bed pretty early since we were going to be up even earlier to have a last-minute practice at 8am before 1st service (we were only leading 2nd service this time). Well, being tired, not eating sure kills my voice, so for myself, the practice didn't seem the best; let's just say I was excited for the chance to get home, eat something change and rest my voice with some hot teas.


Sunday, 2nd Service, 11am. From where I was leading Worship, all seemed to go A-OK, but when i looked into the ones Worshiping, it was a different story. They just were not participating as they have before. Some sang, some stood there and stared at the band. I know we played a few new songs, but this was just a very empty time for them, and I did not know what to do except pray as I worshiped. It was very hard, like walking through mud, or deep snow. By the end of the service, I was very tired. As a worship leader, I am leading people into Worshiping God, did I fail? I found through some friends, that the sound was not mixed well, and during the last set before dismissing, my voice was not very audible. I don't know, I could blame technology, but was it more of me than the sound techs? It is during these moments, that I know what God has called us to do, but I just want to lay my weapon of Worship (guitar/voice) down and take a break from it all. I know I can't. How can I better worship my King? How can I be more open and available for Him to use me as He chooses?

So today, I just reflect as my wife and I enjoy this day together. We didn't even roll out of bed until 11, we watched "Little Miss Sunshine," which was an adorable movie. As we just spent that time in each others arms, I just wanted to stay there forever, loving her and being loved. We haven't talked about yesterday at all, mostly because I forbade it right after we left church (due to I felt so weak and wanted to solve this on my own). Today, i think we ma talk more and pray about it and just seek Him through His Word and through Worship (however that may be acted out - song, silence).

Well, till next time my friends, whomever and wherever you are.

Finally, a new post!

So, yeah, it's been awhile my friends! Sorry for the delayed posting, we have had quite the stress the past few weeks and month.

First off, my grandfather in Connecticut is slowly dying. He does know the Lord. As of right now, he is unable to hear or walk and his feet are turning black. He is 81 years old. Much stress in upon my family, especially my grandmother. She is unable to take care of him due to her failing health and now her depression as he gets worse. Right now he is in a rehab home, and their medic-care will only pay for 20 days in the home - beyond that is $100/day ut of my grandmothers pocket. She cannot afford that, so y father has hired them a lawyer to make sure their home is untouchable (which has worked) and her their savings (in progress), or else they will be broke in a few months time; if my grandfather is alive that long. The prayer is now that the Lord will take him home and away from the pain and silence.

Second, my wife has found out that she does need surgery for an unmentioned (as in I know, God knows and family knows) reason and there are a plethora of "ifs' and "ands" that can come out of it; especially on the subject of us having a child. So please pray for her and I, since for me as a husband, I want to do everything I can (beyond prayer) to help her and be there for her and that is hard when all you can do is trust the Lord and pray.

Third, for me as I have been looking for a job to support my family with so we can no longer be a one-income family. As we all know, unless you are a Worship Pastor, leading Worship does not bring any pay; well that is me. I have been going to school as well as a few hours here and there at my friends Greek restaurant. It just has not been enough for us. So, I had an interview with a company last week that is contracted by the US Government for a job I have 7 years experience in. They want me! So, after a year out of the career field I was int he Air Force, I am hopefully going to be back on the saddle again and bringing home the proverbial bacon for my wife! The prayer is since I have not used my security clearance in just about a year, they need to check into it to reactivate and see what they need to do (if I need to do paperwork, etc); that the Lord's hand would be in the midst of that so my job can be official and I can head my happy butt back into the workforce and a job I truly enjoy doing.

So, as you can see, it's been a crazy few months for us. Love you all and thanks for your prayers, and oh yeah, pray and tell Rachel and Nathan to get their butts over for a visit, haha!